Archive for August, 2008

Authoritarian Parenting: Are You Keeping Your Kids On A Leash?

Friday, August 29th, 2008
parenting
Ann Marier asked:


A lot of people believe that authoritarian parenting is the best ways to keep their children in check. According to people who subscribe to the idea of authoritarian parenting, if their children are afraid of their parents, they will tend to behave better than when the kids do not fear anybody. Yet, does fear really make kids better behaved?

Contrary to the belief of those who believe in authoritarian parenting, fear does not necessarily make children behave better. According to experts, although children would appear to be outwardly docile when their parents are around, they tend to behave badly as soon as their parents are not around. Because children who are raised in an authoritarian household are repressed they often vent out their extra energies once they get away from your sphere of control. Studies show that many children who are raised in a very authoritarian household are often more out control than those children who come from a more relaxed household.

According to experts, children who come from a more relaxed and democratic household are often better adjusted and independent. Studies show that kids who are products of authoritarian parenting are less likely to be more independent and assertive as compared to their peers. Since most children who are products of authoritarian parenting often just follow their parents without question, their sense of independence is not well developed. Their ability to think for themselves is often times impaired. This only goes to show that keeping your kids on a leash is not really a good idea.

Dealing with Your Kids

Children can be difficult to handle at times. Since children are very complex human beings, they should be handled with great care. There may be times when a parent would need to assert his or her authority as a parent but authoritarian parenting should not be made the rule. There is always a time for everything so you must be more flexible when handing your child. You must understand that children who are already past the age of seven years already understand what is right or wrong. If your child thinks that what you are doing is wrong; they become upset. Once your child is upset, he or she would become sullen and rebellious.

To help you deal with your child, you should learn to talk to your child more often. Finding out how your child feels about things would help you find a way to deal with him or her. Having open communication with your child is therefore the best policy.



Christopher

How will (or does) your parenting change when your children become teenagers?

Thursday, August 28th, 2008
parenting
celery_is_the_enemy asked:


Ok, I might be worrying a little early (my kids are 3 and 5 yrs old) but I wonder how to parent kids when they get older

Because I know eventually the next step will be my older (and maybe younger too) kid will ask to sleep over at another kid’s house & after that who knows and the parenting tactics might fail with me because all of a sudden your kids are grown up (or think they are) and you can’t just hug them when they get a booboo or try to offer them your parental advice because they might think they’re old enough to be above it.

Anyways how do you think your parenting will change when your kids get older, or now that they actually *are* older? I am afraid that someday my kids will be too old to put them in timeout as a punishment for misbehaving and too old for me to just hug them and tell them an “ouchy” will go away.

So what do you do when your kids get older as far as parenting? I know we can’t stop time, but how does your parenting change as far as rules and such?

Harvey

Parenting a Family in Conflict: the Night a Difficult Teen Saved Her Family From Self Destructing

Wednesday, August 27th, 2008
parenting
Wouter van der Hall asked:


Her parents were at it again.

Her kid brothers had snuck into her room, looking scared.

They sat on her bed as the voices below got louder and angrier.

She could hear little pieces of sentences they yelled.

“You always let her get away with it”

“O, if only you could lighten up and let her be”

She looked around in her room, the floor covered with clothes, her desk a mess, as usual.

As the fighting went on her stomach tightened and she held her brothers.

‘This has to stop or we’ll break apart’ she thought as she held her brothers, who clung to their older sister.

“I am going downstairs” she said to them. “I am going to stop them, ok.”

Her brothers looked up in a mixture of fear and hope. “Could she?”

For many families, parenting has become a struggle between parents with different approaches in raising their kids, parents who don’t know how to work as a team in conflict resolution. Often noticeable when kids are in elementary school, the difficulties can explode when your children become teens.

A time of peer pressure, self exploration and challenging the boundaries parents set. Differences in parenting values, in how to deal with conflicts and not knowing how to shift when kids become teens, can drive any reasonably functioning family to destruction.

Joni’s family was no different. She had pushed her parents in every way she could, trying to find the limits of her freedom, her own identity.

The differences between her parents’ parenting styles were at first easy to use for her immediate benefit. They now had become the fault line on which her family could break apart. Break, as they were fighting over her.

”Stop it!” Joni slammed the door into its frame as she yelled it. “Stop it! You are killing us as a family!” Her parents stopped, stunned by her outburst.

“I am sorry, alright, I am sorry. I don’t want us to break up. The boys are scared upstairs and you are starting to hate each other. It’s just too much!”

Her parents were still fuming at each other but their attention had shifted to their daughter.

“I am scared too” she added softly.” Please let’s try to find a different way than going at each other all the time.” Suddenly she couldn’t stop talking.

”I want a family. I don’t want you to break up. I know you love each other and that I am pushing you to all of this fighting.”

She looked up. Her parents looked at her, exhausted from the furious exchange they had a few moments ago.

“Can’t we find a way that we can all be happy? That we can all enjoy our family again? We used to have fun and do things together, now you just work and we run around and we don’t anymore. I know that I have been a pain and that I don’t clean my room, but is that such a big deal? I want us to be happy. Don’t you want to be happy? I want to find out who I am and I need you to be my home, where I can try and test things. I don’t want us to break up.

“Please. Please don’t fight anymore. Please?” Her parents looked at her, feeling her plea, her desperation.

“I am sorry” said her mom, “you are right. These conflicts are costing us all too much. But it is not your fault alone. We need to do this differently as parents. I didn’t intend anyone to be scared.”

Her dad stood there, still boiling with anger, but shaken by his daughters outburst.

Finally he took a deep breath.

“You are right. And yes you have been pushing us and it hasn’t helped.” He sighed and looked at his wife. “And your mother is right, we as parents need to work on our part. I am sorry. I think we both wanted the best, but it turned into wanting to be right.”

Joni burst into tears.

”I am sorry” she said, “I love you both and want you to be together.”

Her mother came over and put her arm around her.

She looked up at her husband.

“You may have just helped us to do that, love.”

Her husband looked at his wife and sunk into a chair.

“We need to do this better, we really do.”

Joni did save her family that night. And, she offered her parents a way out from self destructing their family.

Parenting is team work with others (i.e. teachers, care givers), whether you are a single parent or a couple.

Below are three steps that can help you in dealing with conflicts.

1. Always take responsibility for your thoughts, words and actions.

Stop the blame game and look at what you can do differently to help. Take a deep breath as others push your triggers and you get angry, feel hurt, and get defensive. Think about how you truly want it to be and act from that image.

2. Look at your kids, your partner/spouse, as your partners in solving issues, making decisions and creating opportunities for the whole family.

Stop reacting as if conflicts are best treated as war, with enemies, winners and losers. It is not healthy for a family. It destroys relationships.

3. Always look for win-win solutions.

Be creative, take your time, ask for others’ opinions and look out for their interest as well as your own. By looking out for each other, nobody can lose. And isn’t that what families are about?

I know you want the best for your family, for your kids.

By stepping back and seeing that they want that too, you can find ways in creating a family with ALL your perspectives and ideas.

Together, as your kids want you to.



Daniel

Aging Parents – Keeping Their Life Meaningful

Monday, August 25th, 2008
parenting
Annabelle Rox asked:


There is little doubt that we all want our aging parents to remain living independently in their own home. However, there may come a time when we need to intervene in order to safeguard their safety and general wellbeing.

When people get older, some of their abilities may change and they may need some assistance to a varying degree with finances, transport, or even personal hygeine.

So, how do you know when to step in? The best way to know is to get a geriatric assessment done. This would be particularly appropriate if you notice your parents showing symptoms such as memory loss or confusion which may be associated with dementia. Sometimes these signs can be a simple case of medication interactions or may be associated with other medical problems. A geriatric assessment will clarify whether this is the case.

An assessment determines a person’s ability to remain living independently based on their mental, physical, financial and environmental conditions. Of course, the parents need to be fully involved in the process as it is their quality of life that is at stake. This assessment may recognise the need for only minor interventions, enabling them to remain living in their own home for as long as possible. However, the support of others may put your mind at rest as well as making your parents’ life more enjoyable and safe.

So, how do you approach the subject with your parents? Family discussions about this topic can be difficult for all concerned but ignoring the problem won’t help anyone. It is best to discuss these matters before problems arise. This way, you know what your parents want and are able to plan in advance. This way you can abide by their wishes and be more able to help them live in a manner that they prefer.

If you feel that you cannot launch straight into personal subjects such as finances and so forth with your parents, then perhaps you may be able to give them a list of your concerns and arrange to talk to them after they have had a chance to think about them. This also gives them the chance to consider what is in their best interests and prepare to discuss their needs with you.

It is normal for parents to resist the thought of others delving into the subject of their independence and you need to respect that. If they tell you to mind your own business, try again another time. Give them some time to accept that it is something you are doing because you love them and care about their future.

Ask your parents about their own thoughts and concerns. Let them share their hopes for their older years as well as their worries about them. Don’t bombard them with everything in one go but have a number of conversations with them on different areas of their life.

These discussions could revolve around such topics as their current home and whether it will meet their needs in future years, their finances and how they will continue to support themselves, options for transport, health problems and so forth.

If there is an issue with health and safety, you need to recognise your parents’ right to make their own choices but at the same time, you need to be firm and compassionate. Tell them that they cannot ignore what is happening and explain what options they have. This way, they may admit to the problem, knowing that there are community services that can help without them having to necessarily move out of their home.

Don’t talk down to your parents. Remember, you are all adults and you are not ‘parenting’ them. Treat them as equals and as having the ability to make lifetime choices whilst still capable. After all, it is their quality of life that is at stake. You may not agree with their choices, but unless they are impaired by dementia, they still have the right to their own decisions.

Discuss with your parents the importance of working as a team in meeting their needs and respect their concerns. Often, aging parents worry about being a burden to their family. They may also worry that their family may take over their lives so it is imperative that you lay some ground rules for mutual respect. This includes discussing limits so that there are no unrealistic expectations on either part.



Rebecca

Aging parents: Information you need in case of a medical emergency

Sunday, August 24th, 2008
parenting
Martin Sabel asked:


Today, many adult daughters and sons find themselves called upon to help care for their aging parents. Often that care must be provided in an emergency. Could you provide the vital information doctors would need to care for them? If you’re like most, you’re not sure.

Why You Should Have Instance Access to Your Parent’s Senior Health Information

Having your parent’s complete medical information handy during an emergency can make a life saving difference. Seniors have more chronic health conditions than the general population. Unfortunately, many adult children aren’t aware of all those conditions. Not knowing your parent’s medical details can have a life altering impact on the entire family - like not knowing about an allergy to a particular medicine.

If your loved one is unconscious or unable to speak during a crisis, having medical information available can literally be life saving. Medical personnel will need it quickly to properly treat during an emergency.

What Doctor’s, Nurses and Emergency Medical Personnel Need to Know

At a minimum have the following information available, as well.

1. Names of doctors-Your parents’ doctors are good sources for the details of your parent’s specific health care needs. Include the name of the primary care physician and all specialists.

2. Medical history - Including any surgeries and chronic medical conditions like Alzheimer’s disease, COPD, cancer, diabetes, epilepsy, heart disease and cancer and any transplant surgery.

3. Medications - Including over-the-counter drugs, vitamin and other supplements

4. Allergies - Both to medicines and foods

5. Birth dates- Because many times insurance and medical information are stored by date of birth. can improve communication in an emergency or a crisis.

6. Emergency contacts - Include multiple contacts with alternate numbers

7. Advanced directives - The legal documents that tell doctors and hospital personnel whether life support is wanted and if resuscitation efforts should be used.

8. Insurance policies- including the name of the issuing insurance company, the policy numbers and contact numbers to get approval for procedures.

Getting Your Parent’s Doctor To Discuss Your Parents Health Issues

Due to privacy restrictions created with the Health Insurance Portability and Affordability Act (HIPAA), doctors are no longer as open as they once were to discussing your parent’s medical needs.

Your parent’s doctor won’t discuss private information with you unless your parent first gives the physician permission to discuss their care with you. The doctor’s office may require your mom or dad to fill out a form giving the doctor written permission to freely discuss private medical matters. Without that permission, the doctor may still be willing to talk to you about your concerns and be glad to get your input but don’t expect much detail in return.

If it’s in your parent’s best interest for a medical practitioner to discuss their health issues, HIPAA rules allow them to discuss that care. For example, if your mom or dad isn’t able to give important medical information in an emergency. Emergency medical personnel will turn to you for that information.



Melinda

why is it that some parents quote books when giving advice about parenting?

Saturday, August 23rd, 2008
parenting
Rosie Babayyy asked:


i think it’s just silly. people need to get their own ideas about parenting. it is a constant effort, you try different things and learn what you like and dont like by your own experiences. i dont understand why some people parent by things they read in books. is it that they dont have a mind for themselves?

Kim

How Single Parent Dating Could Enhance Your Life

Thursday, August 21st, 2008
parenting
Ricky776 asked:


Single parent dating was not wholly accepted a decade ago. Traditional values placed the single parent at home with the children, especially if the single parent was the mother. However, times have changed and now single parents are welcomed into the world of dating with open arms. However, up until just a few years ago, it was difficult for single parents to meet potential partners because there were no clubs or facilities available for them to meet likeminded people who want and need the same support and understanding. Single parent dating has changed though.

Today, single parent dating is wholly available via the Internet. There are a number of online dating sites that are designed specifically for or have categories to provide single parents with the access to dating that they need. There are many benefits for mothers and fathers that have little time or inclination to begin dating via the more conventional routes. After all, lone parents do not have the time to simply go out as and when they like in the hope of meeting people. The following benefits may give you an idea as to how single parent dating can enhance your life no end:

1. You can access it from your own home - There is no need to go out to meet people anymore. Instead, you can sit in your pajamas, looking awful and feeling tired and still meet people! That is the beauty of online single parent dating.

2. It is cost effective - You do not have to spend money going out only to have no luck with the opposite sex at all. All you have to pay is a small subscription fee so you have more money to spend on the kids and still meet people.

3. You can meet likeminded people - Everyone on Single Parent Dating sites will fully understand exactly how you feel about dating and having children. They will understand and empathise so you have a ready-made potential bonding experience there as well as something to talk about already!

4. Dates know that you have children in advance - No awkward moments when you tell them. No running a mile when they find out. No insecurities for you!

5. You can make sure that you like an individual before he or she meets your children - Getting to know someone via single parent dating is easy, but you have plenty of chance to find out where it is going before introducing your new partner to your children. That way, you are also saving them from hurt and resentment.



Patricia

When are parents going to start parenting again and stop blaming others?

Wednesday, August 20th, 2008
parenting
ogoisanogo asked:


Im so sick of hearing how parents are blaming content providers such as myspace and yahoo for allowing sexual predators to conduct their business. IMHO its the parents faul for not monitoring their children. I would love to hear what others think about this.

Jimmy

Can a relationship work with 2 people that have different parenting styles?

Saturday, August 16th, 2008
parenting
rocstarcotrue asked:


I have been with my girlfriend since her child was 2 years old. When I met her she was very passive when it came to discipline. Her child is 6 now and things still seems out of hand. We have different parenting styles and we often bump heads. My GF sees her child do things that are inappropriate and turns the other cheek. She likes to chuck up her child’s actions as being age appropriate but I beg to differ. I am the type of parent that will love my child to death but put them in check or give them a spanking if they need one. This causes us to have arguments and I just let her do things her way because that is her child. But then I feel like she has accepted me into her and child’s life. Shouldn’t that count for somethng although I’m not the biological parent? My GF often gets frustrated with her child because they are rude and rebelling and I grow frustrated with the both of them. I can’t stand the woman I’m in luv with to be disrepected by her child. How can we be a team?

Kim

Single Parents - Thinking of Dating Again?

Friday, August 15th, 2008
parenting
John Wellington asked:


It can be tough raising a little one all on your own. Even if the other parent is involved in the child’s life, you are still handling your end completely by your lonesome. Now, this is certainly a common feat that’s tackled daily in our modern day world. The whole single parent raising a child has been done and done over again. However, what about dating for single parents? This is an issue that often goes unaddressed. Are you a single parent who dates? Or are you one that completely avoids the dating game, and always has since you and your spouse split? One thing is for certain; dating for single parents is nothing like it was back when I was a kid. So much has changed regarding the notion of communication.

Back when i was around five years of age, my parents split up. It’s the same old story we’ve all heard time and time again. It’s so cliche in fact, that it almost makes me shake my head and snicker. Basically my father was unhappy, and decided to pursue another woman who shared his marital dissatisfaction. In no time at all, my father was telling my mother that he was leaving her for another woman. Does this sound cliche yet? Why didn’t the dude just buy a sports car like many men do when they hit the age of 40? Anyway, my mother did the thing that many disgruntled mothers do; she took us three kids and ran.

There was no way in hell that she was going to let my father have us. The funny thing was that this was back in the 80s; therefore the courts agreed with her having custody. Many years later my mother had still not dated a single man. The world of dating for single parents was unknown to her. She told me once when I was in college that it was difficult to find a man when you already have three children. This made me sad to say the least. On some level my father ruined her life. Regardless, not every single parent has to endure a life of solitude. There is such a thing as dating for single parents. You just have to get out there and take a gander at what’s available. Actually you don’t have to go anywhere at first. You see, it all begins online.

Isn’t it time you explored the world of dating for single parents? Hop on your laptop and check out the many sites that offer online dating. In no time at all you could be chatting it up with other singles just like yourself. Dating for single parents does exist, and all you need is a computer to get started..



Leslie