Archive for the ‘Advice’ Category

I Found Parenting Magazines To Be A Useful Source Of Information

Friday, December 5th, 2008
parenting
Ann Marier asked:


If you’re a new parent, you can get a lot of valuable information, lift your spirits, solve problems, find healthful recipes and ease your worries all in one shot, simply by picking up one of the parenting magazines you’ll find on any newsstand, bookstore or supermarket. Even “seasoned” parents would do well to take a look at some of these helpful and information-packed magazines.

Some parenting magazines may target certain age groups of children, while others aim to be comprehensive resources on issues facing parents today. While women make up the major audience, there are also men who are regular readers, seeing the benefits they’ll find in being a smarter parent.

Browsing the table of contents of a few of the parenting magazines, you’ll find general categories of the types of topics they cover. It’s up to you to decide which parenting magazine will prove most useful to your situation.

Most have regular features and columns addressing social issues your child may encounter, in school or at play, such as peer pressure, school bullying, stress and drugs. These are real world problems for all children and these articles can help you understand the dynamics and ways to handle them, giving your child guidance that helps them work towards a successful outcome.

Parenting magazines also present pieces on child development, taking an in-depth look at the problems different age groups are likely to encounter. For example, girls in their pre-teens may feel awkward about their bodies, becoming overly critical of themselves without realizing they’re experiencing a normal stage of development. This type of article can go along way towards your own understanding of the situation, enabling you to ease your child’s worries and help her through this difficult time.

Articles on health topics may be directed at children or parents. We all know that junk food and sugar are bad diet choices, but with aisles of these foods lurking everywhere, it’s hard to keep this entirely away from your kids. You may find yourself better equipped to provide convincing arguments that will help your kids see for themselves that a change is needed.

Cooking features are other regular features in parenting magazines, which can help you get a tasty and family friendly meal on the table in a hurry, with a watchful eye on your family’s nutrition. You may learn time-saving techniques that allow you to have more time spent with your children.

Working Mom’s often are under stringent schedules, which can add to stress and anxiety, decreasing your effectiveness as a parent. Parenting magazines offer solutions and tips to help deal with this common situation.

Homemaking tips, child safety articles and educational features such as developing good study habits or net resources round out the typical content of parenting magazines.

So next time you’re at the grocery, take a moment to browse through a few of these magazines. You’re sure to find one worthy of a subscription.



Marie

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Fetal Alcohol Syndrome And Parenting- Before And After The Baby

Wednesday, November 12th, 2008
parenting
Ann Marier asked:


Responsibility is a very important word in parenting. Parents should not just decide, ‘Let’s have a baby’ and ignore all other peripherals. When you decide to have a baby, you should realize that you are choosing to be responsible for another life and hence, everything you do would reflect upon it.

The fetal alcohol syndrome and parenting is a very well debated topic. Everyone knows the terrible impact alcohol and tobacco smoke can have on an unborn child. Here are a few very important aspects of fetal alcohol syndrome and parenting.

This article is focusing on the mother because it is the female who carries the baby in her womb and the fetal alcohol syndrome and parenting aspects directly concern her. However men too, need to be equally responsible with drinking and smoking in order to provide as supportive an ambiance to the would-be mother as possible.

If you are a would-be mother who is addicted to alcohol, you need to consider the following steps at once:

1. Inform and consult a doctor about what you need to do to ensure that the baby is not affected by the FAS.

2. Enroll yourself in Alcoholics Anonymous and solicit the group’s help and support in shaking off the habit.

3. Enroll in a detoxification center and get rid of the habit with the help of medical supervision and treatment. Make sure they know you are pregnant; some anti-withdrawal medicines can harm the baby.

4. Surround yourself with photographs of healthy and beautiful babies, so it will encourage you to stay away from the alcohol for the sake of the tiny life that is forming inside your womb.

5. Plan many things for the baby. For example, have shopping sprees, theme parties, baby showers, etc all the time so it will keep you motivated to stay off alcohol.

6. Read many books on fetal alcohol syndrome and parenting and understand the dangers of alcohol and your responsibility as a parent well.

7. Keep in mind that you do not have the right to play with the life of another human being - and if you feel that alcohol will still remain your first love - do not have a baby. It is not only the impact of the fetal alcohol syndrome and parenting that is crucial, it is also how you will take care of the baby after it is born, what type of home you will be able to offer him/her and so on. This is a huge commitment and you should be able to fulfill it.



Russell

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Parenting Twenty-Something Children While They Find Their Way

Monday, October 20th, 2008
parenting
Randy Gilbert asked:


Most parents have trouble communicating with their twenty-something children. It is a difficult stage of life, a transitional time when adult children ignore their parent’s advice or view them as clueless. Many times the adult children will become unappreciative and hostile, pushing the parent/child relationship into a downward spiral.

Martha Pope Gorris, author of Parenting Twenty-Something Kids says, “There are a lot of things we are doing that need fixing. I think what happens with a lot of us is that we get comfortable with an instructional mode of parenting. When our kids get into their twenties we are still giving advice, still instructing, still guiding. And that is not what our children need. It is important to accept that fact.”

When Pope’s two daughters reached adulthood, she looked for proactive information about how to better communicate with them. She found there was very little available to help families with this transitional stage in both a child’s and a parent’s life. Through her research, she wrote an inspirational guide for parents, suggesting powerful tips for developing healthier relationships with 20-something kids.

First, Gorris says, “Recognize the new challenge associated with parenting twenty-something children. It’s difficult, but rewarding.” Sometimes it helps mom and dad to look back to when they were in their twenties. They will remember it was a time of independent growth, of not wanting or needing a parent’s advice. This realization helps with the transition from parenting methods used for young children to a whole new set of rules for young adults.

All parents want their children to become independent, able to take care of themselves and become successful adults. In order for this to happen, parents have to stop trying to control them. Control only leads to a defensive attitude in children, pushing them further away. Ask yourself: Will these words or this action promote a healthier relationship with my child? Then act accordingly.

Expectations are another form of control. Parents expect certain things from their adult children; after all, they raised them with particular goals in mind. For many young adults, the expectations of parents are totally different from the ones they see for themselves. Parents need to let go and accept the choices of their child, and stop giving advice and listen.

Listening is extremely important at this stage. Listen to the goals your children have for themselves. Listen seriously; make eye contact, giving them your undivided attention. Become a friend they can confide in, rather than a controlling authority figure. Respect what they have to say; support their decisions in the same way you would respect one of your friends or colleagues.

Share your own experiences with your adult children. Tell them stories from your past, allowing them to choose if they want to follow your example or not. Your stories can teach them valuable lessons, making you more like a friend than an authoritarian figure. This new parenting technique will be more effective when dealing with adult children. They will come to view you as an equal, and a loving friend they can trust.

The most important thing is to show your children love without strings, no matter what path they choose. Remember, your children may not hold all the same beliefs and viewpoints that you do. Accept them for the people they have become, affirming them despite their poor decisions, or mistakes. Let them know you love and care about them, always being available for them if they need you. Always give them proactive support and affirmation.

Many parents feel they are powerless at this time in their children’s lives. They regret mistakes they made when their children were young. But is never too late to start again. Be honest, willing to apologize to them if it is necessary, telling them you would like to do better as a parent. That honesty and authenticity will help your relationship grow into one of mutual love and respect.



Allan

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Dealing with Parental Stress

Thursday, October 2nd, 2008
parenting
Trevor Dumbleton asked:


the biggest problems with having children is the remarkable fact that they tend to be the source of parental stress. This is, obviously, the unique stress that comes from being a parent and having to worry about the fact that your kids are growing up, learning new things, living their lives their own way, and — all too often — figuring out things the hard way. In addition, you have to worry about your kids making the right decisions, staying out of trouble, and just generally turning into human beings just like you. Needless to say, this tends to create a lot of parental stress.

Being a parent isn’t easy. After all, you are responsible for raising, instructing, and helping children as they work their way from an infant into adulthood. And even when they go off on their own, you still worry about them as they make their way through the world. Despite the fact that they move on into adulthood, you never stop being a parent and you want to make sure that they are doing okay.

Unfortunately, this is easier said than done and it is not easy to let them go. Thus, you find yourself both trying to give them freedom and trying to hang on to them as they go out into the world.

The problem becomes one of both trying to keep a hold of your children and trying to let them be their own people.

Thus, in order to allow you children to move on, you need to learn to let them go. That’s right, in order to ease parental stress, you need to learn how to be less of a parent. In fact, you need to learn how to let them make their own mistakes. This is very difficult, since you will have to watch them as they go through the process of growing up, largely without your help. This can be very difficult, since you will want to protect them from the world. But the world will show up sometime and you will need to let them learn to deal with it. Needless to say, this will only make parental stress worse for a while, since you will be essentially standing on the sidelines as they make errors that you could have warned them against.

Just remember that it will do them good in the long run and they will be better for it.

However, this does not mean that you shouldn’t keep an eye on your children. Let’s face it, you are still a parent and you need to watch over your children. Trying to cope with parental stress will not be improved by being completely ignorant of your children. Instead, let them be themselves as you try to keep an eye on them. They will find their own way, even if you do not always enjoy the path that they have to go down to get there. Just allow them to be imperfect and they will learn what they need to know in the process.

But when the stress of child-raising gets to be too much, don’t be afraid to get help. There are plenty of support groups, books, and websites out there that want to help you through your parental stress. Don’t be afraid to give them a try, if for no other reason than to stay informed.

Nobody said it was going to be easy, so try to keep your stress under control. Then, by keeping it under control, you can survive a lot of difficult situations and a lot of difficult years and prevent yourself from going crazy with worry.

Just remember that your children will, eventually, become rebellious and they will probably try to act in a way that may shock you. It is well-known that parental stress can be fairly severe during the teenage years, since teenagers are always eager to go their own way. And if that doesn’t increase parental stress, nothing will. You will often find yourself on the sideline, trying to figure out what is going on in their heads, but try to remember that you were their age once. Teenagers aren’t perfect. Neither are adults. Keep both of those items in mind and you may be able to keep your parental stress to a minimum.

No, parental stress is not easy. No, it is not simple to solve. No, there is no point where you can just let your children go completely. However, by managing your own parental stress, allowing your children to grow up, and understanding that your children need to make their own mistakes sometimes, you can keep your emotions under control and allow your children to be themselves. So, rather than allowing parental stress to take over your life, let parental stress take a backseat to keeping an eye on your children, making sure that they are doing fine, and enjoying the years when they are growing from youth to adulthood and beyond.



Roy

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Parenting Books Act As Physical Assurance That The Parent Is Correct

Friday, September 19th, 2008
parenting
Ann Marier asked:


Today, you will find books on every aspect existing under the sky. Some books are for information while others are for mere pleasure. No matter whether the book is a work of fiction or non-fiction, we always learn a lot from reading. Unfortunately, this excellent habit is dying slowly in favor of the TV, computers, iPods and what not.

The Pros and Cons of Parenting Books

There are many parenting books in the market; but why is it that people buy these parenting books? Do they feel $12.99 will solve all their tantrum issues? Do they want to know if they’re the only ones getting up at 3AM? Let us see what are the merits and demerits of raising kids with the help of parenting books instead of natural parenting.

The Pros

1. One of the greatest plus points is the fact that when you have a book, you feel in control of the situation. The book becomes a physical assurance that the parent is correct and this, to a person who is new at parenting, or usually dominated by others, is a wonderful tool.

2. It does provide alternatives to handle a particular problem. A parenting book is a wonderful encyclopedia on ‘how to’ and sometimes reading such a book opens your mind to other perspectives and viewpoints.

3. Reading a parenting book shows that you care and want to do better for your children, which by itself is a most wonderfully warm gesture. It also shows that that you are open to other possibilities of handling a situation.

The Cons

1. It makes you too dependent. Once you have a source where you can look up anything (and learn how to supposedly do it the ‘correct way’), one tends to become too dependent on it. In such a scenario, very soon one would not be able to function in normal day-to-day matters, without the blessed parenting book.

2. It makes one feel like he/she knows everything and hence, he/she become intolerable to others with ‘Do it this way - I read it is correct’ or ‘This is not right; you should do it this way’ and so on. It will also kill the spontaneity with which parents deal with their children.

3. You may make big mistakes with your approach and/or action just because it is printed in a book. There are many books out there, which do not know what they are talking about. People who read the ‘how to’ books tend to follow the instructions blindly may end up harming instead of helping the interests of their children.



Alvin

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Three Parenting Issues That Affect Young Working Parents

Saturday, September 13th, 2008
parenting
Ann Marier asked:


Young parents are usually beset with so many problems when it comes to rearing and caring for their children. Because of the ever-increasing cost of living in the country, both parents now need to earn a living to keep the family well provided for. Since both parents now have careers outside of the home, there are many parenting issues that these parents need to consider and resolve.

Getting a Babysitter

One of the biggest parenting issues that beset young parents nowadays is the care of their baby while they go to work. It is a constant struggle for young parents to leave their baby at the babysitters while they go to work. Young mothers are especially very reluctant to leave their babies in a new place. If you are one of those mothers who find it very uncomfortable to leave your baby alone in the house with the babysitter, you might want to consider working from home.

Breastfeeding Your Baby

Although lot of women would want to breastfeed their babies, there are still many young mothers who rely on infant formula. Even through there are already so many government programs that encourage breastfeeding; breastfeeding is still one of parenting issues that affects young parents. Sometimes, even if the mother is very inclined to breastfeed her baby, she may not be able to do so because she works outside of the home and may be inaccessible to the baby.

Child’s Diet

The diet of the children is one of the most pressing parenting issues for working parents. Working parents are always in a hurry to get to work and often do not have enough time to prepare a healthy meal. Unfortunately, according to studies, children who eat unhealthy meals often do not develop their immune system well and are more prone to diseases. If you are one of those parents who have parenting issues with regard to the diet of your children, you should start paying attention to what nutrition experts have to say.

Although you may feel so pressed for time, you should not make your being busy an excuse not to give you children healthy food. According to experts, if you really cannot cook healthy meals everyday, you should try to cook enough good food for a few meals and put it is the refrigerator so that you can just re-heat it later. When storing food in the refrigerator, make sure that you seal the food properly to preserve its freshness.



Mario

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Authoritarian Parenting: Are You Keeping Your Kids On A Leash?

Friday, August 29th, 2008
parenting
Ann Marier asked:


A lot of people believe that authoritarian parenting is the best ways to keep their children in check. According to people who subscribe to the idea of authoritarian parenting, if their children are afraid of their parents, they will tend to behave better than when the kids do not fear anybody. Yet, does fear really make kids better behaved?

Contrary to the belief of those who believe in authoritarian parenting, fear does not necessarily make children behave better. According to experts, although children would appear to be outwardly docile when their parents are around, they tend to behave badly as soon as their parents are not around. Because children who are raised in an authoritarian household are repressed they often vent out their extra energies once they get away from your sphere of control. Studies show that many children who are raised in a very authoritarian household are often more out control than those children who come from a more relaxed household.

According to experts, children who come from a more relaxed and democratic household are often better adjusted and independent. Studies show that kids who are products of authoritarian parenting are less likely to be more independent and assertive as compared to their peers. Since most children who are products of authoritarian parenting often just follow their parents without question, their sense of independence is not well developed. Their ability to think for themselves is often times impaired. This only goes to show that keeping your kids on a leash is not really a good idea.

Dealing with Your Kids

Children can be difficult to handle at times. Since children are very complex human beings, they should be handled with great care. There may be times when a parent would need to assert his or her authority as a parent but authoritarian parenting should not be made the rule. There is always a time for everything so you must be more flexible when handing your child. You must understand that children who are already past the age of seven years already understand what is right or wrong. If your child thinks that what you are doing is wrong; they become upset. Once your child is upset, he or she would become sullen and rebellious.

To help you deal with your child, you should learn to talk to your child more often. Finding out how your child feels about things would help you find a way to deal with him or her. Having open communication with your child is therefore the best policy.



Christopher

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New Methods And Positive Parenting Techniques

Thursday, July 24th, 2008
parenting
Ann Marier asked:


As parenting continues to evolve, new methods of positive parenting are always being developed. Every generation that ages begins to apply new ideas. Currently there are new methods to help parents in raising children. Positive parenting is a way to correct kids without making the children feel down or stupid. One technique is to show a child the right way to do something and reinforcing that positive feeling. The child may fail at a task but the parent is reassuring and lets the kid try it again until they get it right.

Positive parenting works for many kids but there are some parents and kids that may not be able to accomplish this task. That doesn’t mean that the parent or child is failing. Remember, positive parenting will not work all the time. A parent can work at finding positive markers for their children. Look for things that a child responds to, then use that reinforcement in other areas of his life. What the parent is trying to do is to make a child better prepared for the real world that they will someday live in. Starting early in life can make this type of parenting ingrained in the child.

Competition in the Adult World

As ones children get older and they want to spread their wings and fly into the adult world, they can only take with them those things that the parents taught them. The marketplace of America can be tough on those not prepared. If a parent concentrated on only positive parenting, the child will be very disappointed. Not everybody wins in the real world; in fact, most of the time will be filled with disappointment. The difference is how the child reacts to negatives. Learning to cope with loss or negatives is what being successful is all about. Mistakes can change strategy into a winning plan.

If America’s top 100 successful people were polled, every single person would tell of more failures in their early adulthood. They might also say that the failures were what eventually made them successful adults. Positive parenting is a great tool for raising kids, but allow them to make mistakes with small consequences to learn that every action they do has a consequence. Sometimes the consequence is good and sometimes the consequence is less favorable. Teaching the child this will show them that life goes on even when they make mistakes or fail. Changing ones behavior is what makes them excel in the future.



Lucille

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Quality Parenting: The Underlying Principles

Sunday, June 8th, 2008
parenting
Don Dewsnap asked:


When you raise a child, you are creating the future. Not just his or her future, but everyone’s future. The results of your parenting will ripple and spread through the years, affecting thousands, and eventually millions of people. If you want the future to be better than the present, then you had better learn the principles of quality and how they apply to being a parent, for that is all that quality is: making things better.

No matter how good or not-so-good parent you are or think you are, you can be better. There are no upper limits on quality in parenting. The first, necessary, and most important step is to WANT to be a better parent. You have to choose, every day, whether you want to be a worse parent, stay the same, or be a better parent. There are no other choices. Being a better parent doesn’t “just happen.” If you don’t choose to be a better parent, you are effectively choosing one of the other two options.

This also happens to be the first major principle of quality: Quality is an Attitude. Quality is wanting things to be better. It is aligning your sights in the direction of improvement.

The next most important step to improving your quality as a parent is to give yourself some credit. You deserve a lot of credit, probably more than you get. The very fact that you are willing to raise a child, to take that responsibility, in an uncertain world and against all odds, gives you high status. If you are part of a couple, you share that status, and had better acknowledge it in each other, at least.

Because opinions vary so widely about how to raise children, and because many people are taught that criticizing people is a way to help them (which it isn’t), you may sometimes be criticized for how you are raising your children. This is when that credit you just gave yourself is important. You are doing something difficult, bravely. You are trying to get better at it. Others may try to sway you toward their way of thinking. But as long as you keep that Quality Attitude, and know you are working toward improvement, you can let their words roll off. Welcome to the second principle of quality: Quality Leads to Opposition.

The third major principle of quality, in parenting and everything else, is that Quality Takes Time. Small changes add up to big improvements, but not usually in huge dramatic leaps. Every time you take one small action, say one small word, that will help your child grow up happy and strong and ethical, and so make the future better, you have moved one step further up the path of quality parenting.

So what are these small actions and words? You have to decide that, as well. The tests are simple.

First, ask yourself what attitudes you don’t like in other people, and teach the opposite attitudes to your child. Treat him or her with the attitudes you want him or her to learn. For example, if you don’t like people who interrupt you, then listen to your child, from infancy onward, without interrupting. If you don’t like people to hit you or shout at you … well, you get the idea.

Second, and this is a bit harder, ask yourself what attitudes or behaviors you are not fond of in yourself, and try not to pass them on to your child. If you are not as neat and tidy as you wish you were, for instance, make an effort to demonstrate being neat to your child.

Quality parenting is not about being perfect. It is about moving in that direction, trying to improve. In the example above, you might still not be as tidy as you wish. But if you can make something neat that you normally wouldn’t, even once, so your child can see you do it, that is improvement. That is increasing your quality as a parent. Every small step you make in that direction is valuable. They add up, and build on each other.

As you learn more about the principles of quality, and the basic quality actions, you will find more and more ways to apply them to parenting. The above three major principles are just the beginning. For now, remember the motto: Improving quality creates a better future, for everyone.



Susan

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