Archive for the ‘Motivational’ Category

Parents as Career Coaches

Wednesday, November 26th, 2008
parenting
Mary Askew asked:


Parents help us discover the gifts and the callings that God has for our lives. Parents help children and teens discover their vocational interests and the motivational gifts. Parents identify the steps and resources that are necessary to develop the qualities and talents that children and teens possess.

Parents know that children and teens receive the vocational interests, abilities, skills, and talents in a seed form. These seeds will develop into careers, jobs, tasks, assignments, or ministries. Then, the talents and gifts will produce earnings, wages, and spiritual rewards as the children receive pleasure from knowing that they are fulfilling the callings that God has placed on their lives.

The Goal of a Parent

A parent receives direction from Proverbs 18:16, Proverbs 22:6, and 1 Peter 4:10.

Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

1 Peter 4:10 As every man has received a gift, even so minister the same gift one to another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.

Proverbs 18:16 A man’s gift makes room for him, and brings him before great men.

To learn about abilities, interests, and motivational gifts, parents have many tasks:

Assess children’s and teens’ vocational interests, abilities, skills, beliefs, and values.

Discover potential careers that are linked to children’s and teens’ identified interests.

Help children and teens choose the suitable post-secondary education and training.

Provide resources that help children and teens utilize their vocational interests, abilities, skills, beliefs, and values.

Understand the relationship between education, training, and specific occupations.

Introduce experiences that meet career, cognitive, emotional, and behavioral goals.

Present information on the current and future labor market.

Introduce problem-solving and decision-making strategies, and

Solve career issues, conflicts, and concerns.

The Steps Towards Completing Career Exploration Process

Step One: Preliminary Assessment

Parents must gain access to computerized, online, or paper/pencil career assessments. From these assessments, parents, teens, and children gain knowledge and understanding of our abilities, ambitions, aptitudes, identities, interests, life goals, resources, skills, and values. During this assessment period, parents will evaluate children’s and teens’ readiness for career planning.

Gary W. Peterson and others of the Center for the Study of Technology in Counseling and Career Development University Center, discussed the differences in career planning readiness. Children, teen, and adults can be categorized as:

Decided

Decided yet needing a confirmation

Decided yet not knowing how to implement their decisions

Decided choosing to avoid conflict or stress

Undecided

Undecided with a deferred choice

Undecided yet developmental unable to commit to a decision

Undecided and unable to make a decision because the individual is multi-talented

Children, teen, and adults transition from indecision to decisiveness when they complete the following steps in the career decision making and planning process.

Step Two: Educational and Occupational Exploration

Parents, children, and teens gather information about:

Educational choices

The benefits of educational achievement

The economy or labor market

Occupational choices

Specific occupations and programs of study

Training opportunities

The relationship between work and learning

Positive attitudes towards work and learning

Personal responsibility and good work habits

A typical working day for a specific occupation

Career exploration systems

Step Three: Problem solving

Parents, children, and teens solve career problems by:

Identifying educational and career planning obstacles

Creating solutions or courses of action

Setting achievable goals

Resolving conflict and tension

Making a commitment to reach our God-given potential

Problem solving should take into consideration personal values, interests, skills, and financial resources. Big problems are broken down into smaller, more manageable steps. Achievable goals result in the production of new competencies, attitudes, solutions, as well as educational and training opportunities.

Step Four: Goal Setting and Decision Making

As individuals, parents, children, and teens:

Set, formulate, prioritize, and rank goals

Clearly state our vocational interests, abilities, and values

Derive plans or strategies to implement the solutions

Make a commitment to complete the plans

Understand decision-making processes

Evaluate the primary choice

Consider a secondary occupational choice, if necessary

Decision-making processes include:

Developing learning and career plans

Identifying suitable occupations

Selecting appropriate educational programs

Figuring the costs of educational training

Considering the impact of career decisions.

Step Five: Implementation

While implementing and executing our learning and career plans, parents, children, and teens translate vocational interests, abilities, and skills into occupational possibilities. Parents, children, and teens do reality testing through interviewing current workers, job shadowing, part-time employment, full-time employment, and volunteer work. Parents, children, and teens obtain skill training, for example, social skills, resume writing, networking, and preparations for interviews.

Career Planning Resources

In order to assess gifts, talents, and abilities, parents, children, and teens need career resources. Career planning resources include books, videotapes, audio-tapes, games, workshops, self-assessment inventories, career exploration web-sites, and computer-assisted career guidance programs. These resources are found at libraries, community colleges, and resource centers.

The basis for most of the resources is the National Career Development Guidelines. In 1987, the National Occupational Information Coordinating Committee (NOICC) developed The National Career Development Guidelines. The guidelines were organized into three areas: Self-knowledge, Educational and Occupational Exploration, and Career Planning.

Self-knowledge deals with our self-concept, interpersonal skills, growth, and development.

Educational and occupational exploration reveals the relationships between learning, work, career information skills, job seeking, skill development, and the labor market.

Career planning includes self-assessment, career exploration, decision making, life role formation, goal setting, and the implementation of career choices.

Conclusion

We are each significant, different, and special. Yet, God knows our gifts, talents, and abilities. God has chosen us for special positions and tasks. Our occupations should reflect the callings that God has placed in our lives. Our vocations represent the gifts given to us by God. Our destinies come from God. Parents help children and teens discover God-given talents, abilities, and interests so that children and teens can fulfill God’s purpose for their lives.

As parents, we will use prayer, the Word of God, other books, videotapes, audio-tapes, games, workshops, training materials, self-assessment inventories, career web-sites, computer-assisted career guidance programs, and resource centers to assist us in helping our children, and teens.

References

Miller, Juliet V. (1992) The National Career Development Guidelines, Eric Digest ED347493, ERIC Clearinghouse on Counseling and Personnel Services, Ann Arbor, Michigan

Peterson, G., W., Sampson, J., P., Jr., Reardon, R., C., and Lenz, J., G. (1996) A Cognitive Approach to Career Development and Services, Center for the Study of Technology in Counseling and Career Development, University Center, Suite A4100, Florida State University, Tallahassee, Florida 32306-1035, http://www.fsu.edu/ ~career/techcenter/html



Jill

Parenting Mistakes - Top 5 Reasons Parents Fail With New Year Parenting Goals

Saturday, October 11th, 2008
parenting
Terre Grable asked:


A new year is here, and with it comes new beginnings. For many parents, one resolution they make is to improve their family relationships. There is no better time than right now to take positive steps in your relationship with your teenager.

Yet, like many other New Year resolutions, some parents fail to accomplish the parenting goals they set. Often, leaving a parent to feel inadequate and discouraged with their relationship with their teenager. Here are five common mistakes parents make when setting parenting goals for the New Year:

1. Starting with too many goals

It is easy to want to have the best relationship with your teenager, and go hog wild with creating new resolutions. However, I have seen parents become overwhelmed with great expectations, only to fizzle out from undue stress. If there are many areas you want to improve, prioritize your goals and choose just one to start with.

2. Having unrealistic expectations

The first rule in goal setting is to make your goals reasonable. If your goals are too ambitious, then they may be unattainable. And the entire reason for having goals is to accomplish them. Trying making simple goals for a short period of time rather than making complicated ones over a lengthy period of time.

3. Having meaningless goals

As a counselor, a parent will enter counseling with the goal of “have a closer relationship with my teenager.” While this sounds like a simple goal, it is too broad. How will they know when their relationship is “closer?” What does “a closer relationship” mean? Do they want to be able to talk more with their teenager? Are they looking for less conflict in their relationship? When making parenting goals for the New Year make your goals very specific. That way you will be able to tell if you are accomplishing them.

4. Trying to control everything

Remember you can only change you, not your teenager. It is okay if your teenager is resistant to your intentions. In fact, you may want to expect some confusion, especially if your relationship has experienced a lot of conflict. You have no control over how your teenager reacts. If your relationship with your teenager has been strained, then it will take time to rebuild trust and your relationship.

If you feel like there is such great conflict between you and your teenager that you just cannot seem to break through, then I encourage you to find a qualified professional counselor that can help you work through it.

5. Giving up

Parenting teenagers is hard work. It can suck the life out of you. Often well meaning parents commit to making positive relationship changes with their teenager without recognizing the time commitment involved. Awesome goals are made in January with the expectation that significant differences will be visible by June. Then, when our hopes are not met we feel inadequate and just give up the fight.

Positive and improved relationships do not just happen. They require patience and commitment to see the task through.



Lisa

How to be a Supportive Parent

Tuesday, October 7th, 2008
parenting
Andrew Kasch asked:


There are different levels of support that a parent can provide, depending on the age and maturity levels of their child. When a child is very young, the supportive parent can do relatively simple things such as posting a drawing on the refrigerator after giving the child rave reviews on their creation.

The supportive parent must give the child their undivided attention when the child has something to say. How many times do you see a mother or father completely ignore a small child who calls their name out over and over again, as if they don’t hear them. Do you find yourself thinking, “Answer your child!” Obviously its important to teach your child that they are not to interrupt while the parent is in the middle of another conversation, but even then, the parent should lean to the child and whisper, “Wait until mommy is finished with this conversation,” rather than just ignoring the child. Not only is that teaching your child to be courteous, but it is also being supportive. You are acknowledging your child’s needs, but asking them to wait their turn.

Supporting Teenagers

As the child gets older and more mature, their need for support changes. A teenager’s need for emotional support is more complex than before. They have a need to be heard and to be respected by their parents.

Too many children do not treat their parents with respect, and when you ask them why they disrespect their parent, they will respond that their parents don’t give them respect so why should they give respect to their parent? That’s a good point, actually. Most parents do not consider their teenagers as children, and they do not consider them adults either. Somewhere along the way, the teenager is dismissed and the parent forgets that the teenager has needs too. The teen is left to fend for themselves and sometimes make self-destructive decisions such as drugs, alcohol or reckless behavior.

So, how do you support your teenager? First of all, supporting does not mean letting them do whatever they want to do. They need to know that you care, and showing that you care means making some unpopular decisions. If your teen wants to go somewhere, its important to let them know that you care enough about them to find out where, how long and with whom. Some parents have blind faith and don’t even inquire as to where their child is going and this can often be interpreted as uncaring or unsupportive by a teen.

What if they want to do something and you feel it would be dangerous or inappropriate at their age? Well, being supportive means explaining your point of view and hopefully you can compromise a happy medium with your teen. But sometimes that is not an option, and the answer no with an explanation, is all you can do. They may get angry with you for the moment, but that too, will pass. And eventually they will realize that you made the decision out of love.

Supporting your teenager also means being active in their interests. Transporting them to and watching their sporting events, talking with their teachers to find out how they are doing in school, asking to see their homework, and also making them responsible for chores at home.

Don’t forget to make time to sit down (uninterrupted) to talk with your teenager about how things are going at school, with their friends, or other activities. This shows that you respect them and are supportive of them. Giving them this type of attention is not difficult to do, but often times, parents believe that because their child is no longer “young” that this type of attention is not as important. The truth is, that it is actually a very important and necessary thing in a young adult’s life, because they are now making decisions that may affect the rest of their lives. This is when they need the most advice and support from their parents.

But that type of conversation and supervision should not begin when the child becomes a teenager. Supportive dialog should have begun as an infant, and continued into the teen years. It is not uncommon for parents to realize that the child needs more structure and supervision after things have gotten out of control. Unfortunately, if you haven’t set the guidelines and rules before they become teens, its going to be very difficult to make an impact now.

Supporting a Grown & Independent Child

Once again, the role of a supportive parent changes once the child has grown up and moved away from the home. The only way you can ensure that your grown child will come to you for advice or support is to make sure that you offer advice ONLY when asked. Hopefully, you have raised your child to make good decisions and be a responsible adult. Now, they are here to get practical advice or comfort from the parent, and your supportive role means you will not criticize their decisions or make them feel like they are failing at adulthood. Of course they will make mistakes and they will also make decisions that you disagree with. But your role as a supportive parent is to be their cheerleader and their safe place to come home to.

What if they make a decision that you disagree with? Well, you can give them your non-judgmental perspective on the situation and then tell them that either way they decide to go you will support them. I guarantee that if they walk away from you feeling better than when they came to you, they will come back to you the next time they need your love, advice and support.

And the best part is, they will know what it means to be a loving and supportive parent - and this will be passed on to their children.



Ryan

Parenting Teenagers - Parenting Advice to Help Parents and Teenagers in the New Year

Saturday, October 4th, 2008
parenting
Terre Grable asked:


As a parent of a teenager, how would you describe your relationship with your teenager last year? Did it go as well as you had hoped? Are there any areas you would like to improve in the New Year? If honesty was required, than I bet every parent of a teenager would agree there is room for growth in their parenting relationship. Whether you are a veteran parent of a teenager or a newbie, here are some practical suggestions of how to improve your relationship with your teenager in the New Year.

1. Make a weekly time to have breakfast

The great thing about breakfast is it is usually the only time of the day when it is easy to be on time. No prior meetings can cause delays. No prolonged prior appointments will necessitate a need to reschedule or cancel. Some families find it helpful to find a morning during the week because they are already at home together. Others find a weekend morning better. Why not use this time to catch up on your teenager’s activities for the day?

2. Make it a point to eat 3-5 meals together

I’ve heard there are studies that suggest eating meals together as a family decreases at risk behaviors in teens. I would attribute this to it provides a time for parents to stay consistently involved in your teenager’s life happenings, more than just once a week. Use this time talk about what is taking place in their daily lives, not to lecture them. Out of 21 meals in a week, what 3 meals will you set aside to eat together with your teenager?

3. Improve communication with your teenager

Use your ears more than your mouth. If you are unsure what to talk about, find something to get your teenager’s opinion on. If there is one thing a teenager likes to give, it’s his/her opinion. Check out the popular culture blogs for some conversation starters. You do not have to necessarily agree, just have a dialogue with them.

4. Combine mutual hobbies and quality time

In today’s overly scheduled society, both parents and teenagers can find it difficult to find some time to spend together. Why not combine the two. Does your teenager like be outside, and you like to exercise? Why not learn a sport together? Get your creative juices flowing!

5. Implement a Family Night once a month

A Family Night is simply a scheduled time where everyone in the family will be together. Even with hurried schedules, it is still possible to gather together once a month to spend time together. A Family Night has just one agenda: Fun, fun, fun - no lectures, no handling any conflict or discipline problems. Just some time to relax and be with one another. It can be as lavish as a dinner and play, or as relaxed as ordering pizza and watching pay per view.

6. Plan a family vacation

I know this sounds simple, and for some it even seems crazy given the difficult relationship you may have with your teenager. However, family vacations can also be healing for some parents and teenagers. A lot of conflict arises from miscommunication, short tempers, and just being exhausted. Family vacations allow parents and teenagers to relax and recharge. Involve your teenager in some of the vacation planning to give him/her a sense of ownership. This can decrease the amount of conflict and self reported claims of boredom on your family vacation

If last year did not seem to go as you had dreamed, then do not get discouraged! You now have over 300 days to strengthen your parenting relationship.



Derrick