Not that this is the right thing to do by any means, but it worked for our family. I quit letting my husband have any say in anything. I took care of the children 100%. When he tried to help I would let him, until he started expecting too much out of them, or didn’t want to cuddle with them, and so on. Then I would just say, “Daddy quit being so mean, I’ll help you.” After about 3 months, the kids would tell him when he was expecting too much, or that he was being mean when they wanted hugs and kisses. Took about a year, but in the past 2 years I haven’t heard either one of my children tell him that he is being mean. He’s a better father than his dad ever was, and finally understands that they are just little guys. Good Luck

If you’re sure he won’t see a counselor (which I would still recommend–really press the issue with him, and give him a guilt trip if you need to: “Do you want to have the same kind of relationship with your son that your father had with you, or would you like to have something better?”), then get him a couple of parenting books that stress the importance of positive discipline. I love the books by Dr. William Sears, especially his approach to raising and disciplining toddlers and preschoolers.

That could just be your husband’s personality. As much as you may try to force him, or as much as you want him to be more lovey-dovey, and affectionate, he may just be a withdrawn guy when it comes to kids. It kind of sucks but you may just have to understand that about it. If every time he does something you don’t approve of, and you bug him about it, it may just cause strain on your relationship. You might just want to start accepting him, and just realizing that you’re going to have to be the maternal, emotional, soft, gentle one.

Is there any way to get him around other parents and their children so he can see how other dads act? And also to see what the average 2 year old is like? If he has no concept of how the relationship is supposed to be, he’ll have unrealistic expectations of his son and himself. He doesn’t have a great background in this department considering his upbringing. Somehow you have to help him see what a healthy relationship is like. Get him around friends that have kids. Invite people to your house who have children. Once he sees what a loving father son relationship looks like he may decide that is what he wants for his own family.

Start off small. Have your husband give your son a hug every morning when he gets up and every evening before he goes to bed. See what develops. Don’t force anything more than that for a couple of months. Hopefully he will open up and feel more comfortable with his son, only time will tell.